i

i am truly solely alone. it is crazy how much i am backsliding away from God. and i did shit in the weekend that im NOT proud of. i have so much contempt towards myself right now it's amazing. and just listening to anything that praises Him is bringing me to tears. probably a sign from up above. "i know that You won't forsake me in my weaknesses"
kari jobe's voice is just so pure. kudos to skang for showing me this song.

listening to this makes me want to be immersed in His love again. i want to go to another retreat. sigh. feeling downnnn.

i've been totally diggin the weather, i looove the rain, the cold, the feeling of warmth. sitting at home in blankets waiting for the weather to clear up. i need to get my college shit togther. i need to do the early decison for UPENN. but i'm not so sure if i wanna go to UPENN if i don't get financial scholarship .. shit, so should i do early decision for UPENN? stress. stress. stress. and it doesn't help how my mom's been on my case about the "computer" and how it "takes up my time" when i NEED to be online for colleges. i can't wait till all my apps are in. i cant wait to go snowboarding.

i just need someone to lean on. i need a friend in Christ.

seldoot