best friends

friends are so valuable. true i like feeling alone sometimes but i love my best friends as well. they're always there when you need a shoulder to lean on or and ear to spill your heart out to. and i found my ipod today so im happy for that as well yayy. well technically **** found my ipod in his room, but it makes me feel a little better for being drunk and not being responsible. but i still think God is telling me to stop doing all those things. anyways, im starting not to like him anymore so thats good cause he wasn't healthy for me and he's not the one for me. but yea... yay! i love my friends!!! all the good ones anyways!!! gnite! my heart feels at peace today.

sledoot

this shit

is not getting any better. i need to get far far away from this place. or find some grounds where i can stand strong. i need some support and self-morals to keep myself away from this shit because God is giving me signs. some crazy signs.

times

damn i fell again from that spiritual high and i can feel satan just pulling me back and back. and its hard cause i think i know who satan is using to lure me back into his stupid arms. but i wonder if God is just sending me to these places as tests. you know? its crazy. i know that God's in my heart but theres this feeling that i can't seem to shake off. and all that smoking shit, i feel like im falling into some kind of black hole. its what brings me closer to that darkness. it's kind of scary. and i'm really sick of it right now. i wanna take a long ass break and whoever says that shit is healthy. fuck that. that shit gives you coughs, munchies, and all these other unnecessary ailments in life. ugh. idk. but other then thattt, this old old feeling came up again and memories just keep flooding in from the times i spent with that person. ohoho. it makes me giddy and excitedd. it kind of brightened up my whole life. i love crushes hehe. i am going to go now and get ready for laura to pick me uppp.

sledoot.

i fell

again ... sigh. its really hard.

sledoot

my rock

retreat was so freaking bomb. i got blessed again. i feel like i can't get blessed enough in my lifetime. and i was sitting there at the sunday em service, i realized that i do NOT know anything about life about God about Jesus Christ. and that humans are so ignorant in everything they do. it kinda came to me like a tsunami.

----
so today, (1/11/10) i was walking to Borders from work and as i was walking there, there was this lady sitting on these cafe tables outside. i didn't really pay attention to her but i felt some kind of staring from her. i didn't look at her and as i was passing by her, she signals to me to come towards her so i went over to her. and she started to talk about how she felt compelled to talk to me and how nowadays when i look in the mirror i don't know who im looking at. and how my love relationships haven't been going well. and how i couldn't forget about this one guy and how i wasn't on good terms with my mom at the moment. she said all this other stuff but it tripped me out and it made me think. wow. the devil really is out there trying to tempt me and the rest of the world. and it made me believe and trust in God more knowing that He could protect me from all that. you guys don't understand how trippy that shit was. it really is. i wish all of you that are reading this, i hope that you will soon believe in Jesus soon cause it is He who will bring salvation. i sound like the Bible lol. and the funny thing is she stuttered when she mentioned God and i was about to go to Borders to buy a bible ... freaking crazy you guys. anyways, people pray!!!!!!!

may God bless you.
sledoot.

10/10/10

i will be in some sort of college at that time .. incredible.

is this heaven?

nisenjyu

damn, its 2010. it definately doesn't feel different. years are just ways to keep track of time, why do we have to start off fresh on jan 1st? why not any day? Eh, doesn't really matter. Times have been really rough and happy lately. For the past two weeks, I've been working full time and goodness thats tiring, but at least it's bringing money in. I get paid this Thursday too. yeeeuh.

i remembered something that naomi's mom said a while ago while she was helping kayla with her essay. it was about would it be better if you would rather follow society or be an individual. of course i said be an individual. and she was like how would you be an individual. i listed doing things my own way, blahblah, etc etc. but then she said, but arent you following what society wants you to do? going to school, getting a job. that hit me. it just hit me that we are all followers and not individuals. we are individuals but not like that. kinda strangeee.

lifes been full of stress lately. my report card came in and i had a C in apcalc. my mom called and was flippin a bitch but whatever. she doesnt understand how hard apcalc is. id wish she would take it and see how hard it is. but then again, i'm not trying. ACH TIMES ARE DEFINATELY HARD. times times times. TIMES. without time, we wouldnt be anything. time and God are very important. Time is money. God is everything. God is Love and Love is Real. i'm not making sense. i want someone to explain life's purpose to me. what's the big picture. what's in it for us. humans are stuck in a pandora box. im going to retreat this week, and i'm hoping i'll be able to find answers.

sledoot.