nisenjyu

damn, its 2010. it definately doesn't feel different. years are just ways to keep track of time, why do we have to start off fresh on jan 1st? why not any day? Eh, doesn't really matter. Times have been really rough and happy lately. For the past two weeks, I've been working full time and goodness thats tiring, but at least it's bringing money in. I get paid this Thursday too. yeeeuh.

i remembered something that naomi's mom said a while ago while she was helping kayla with her essay. it was about would it be better if you would rather follow society or be an individual. of course i said be an individual. and she was like how would you be an individual. i listed doing things my own way, blahblah, etc etc. but then she said, but arent you following what society wants you to do? going to school, getting a job. that hit me. it just hit me that we are all followers and not individuals. we are individuals but not like that. kinda strangeee.

lifes been full of stress lately. my report card came in and i had a C in apcalc. my mom called and was flippin a bitch but whatever. she doesnt understand how hard apcalc is. id wish she would take it and see how hard it is. but then again, i'm not trying. ACH TIMES ARE DEFINATELY HARD. times times times. TIMES. without time, we wouldnt be anything. time and God are very important. Time is money. God is everything. God is Love and Love is Real. i'm not making sense. i want someone to explain life's purpose to me. what's the big picture. what's in it for us. humans are stuck in a pandora box. im going to retreat this week, and i'm hoping i'll be able to find answers.

sledoot.