despair

i really like the song use somebody by kings of leon and revelry, and be somebody. i love his voice and i like how their melody rings. 

i'm in a down mood right now cause i'm feeling for somebody and i care for her. i wanna be there for her, but she's just the type that doesn't anybody to help her and she's so caring for everyone else. in some ways she reminds me of me where she pretends to be happy when in reality she's sad and hurt. like there was this one time, where we were at church and she was having some troubles, and she just wouldn't cry until after a long time she just broke down. she's those type of girls where she would find a corner to cry in and come out from the corner looking all happy. being the type of person i am, i just wanna listen to their troubles and comfort them and help them. (but i can be a total bitch if i wanted to)

like right now, she sounds so sad and hurt. the one fucking loser just had to make her fucking paranoid of shit. i hate that fucking piece of shit. anyways i'll type later when i go home and after i study and stuff. i have a meet tmrw too against westchester at home. but i have to go study for the stupid SAT II subject tests.

imma fucking punch the AP loser in the face one day and make him deserve what he needs.

37

i was thinking about it, after Miles was born, how maybe, i dont want to go away from home. mabye i can go away from home after undergraduate college years, but for now, i wanna grow up with miles, malia, maddy, braden, rachelle, and jonas. i guess i can tolerate going to my dang family church, or find some other one until i graduate from college and go to graduate school. like i wanna grow up with my baby cousins and see them get into trouble and take them to ice cream and go to theme parks or just the park. i dont wanna go away now. i want them to remember me from since they were like three. i dont wanna burst into their life when they're like 8 and me fresh coming from college. like i remember my cousins/aunts since i was a baby and i want it to be like that for the little ones. and i donno if ms. j will be having another kid while i'm in college and i wanna be here for "it" too.

if i get into UPENN i'll go there, but if i get into UC Davis, i'll study there with a pre-vet major and a business minor. damn, and hoepfully UC Davis will have that ICU thing across to Japan. hehe. o my god, 37 more school days till i am done with my junior year and off to senior and to college applications and then to partying, and chillin and jobs, and boxing. 37 more days. just 37 more days.

damn, listening to revelry by kings of leon makes me just think about future shtuff. but i gotta sleep cause it's 12:07 and i just wanna rant about my future and what i'm gonna do.

MILES JACKSON <3

this is miles jackson born on april 27th at 8:00 A.M. weighing 5.14 lbs and tall as 20 inches. he is a bit of a pre-me since he was supposed to be born on may 28thish and he came early. i am in love with him already, and i can't wait until he grows up and i can take him everywhere. it makes me wanna stay here in california and not go away far. there's maddy, malia, braden, and now miles to take care of when i'm older. i so can't wait! i need to get my license so i can drive them around.

tomorrow's my interview for Cedar's Sinai and i have to dress "appropriately". i think i have to go poo again and i must study for the stupid SATs this saturday and the ap exams next week. shite. must go. bye.

fastriver.

shallow

i am a shallow piece of fucking meat. okay so you know how there's someone new? well there isn't all because i am a shallow piece of shit. sucks for me. damn, why do i have to be so picky?!?! i always have bad luck with guys. fuck. i hate these stupid complication and i hope i never get into this situation ever again! god damnit. like i double thought about it today and i was thinkign about it after i saw him, i was like ... i don't think i like him. cause i didn't get those butterfly feelings and shit. wow. i am so stupid. no offense, but for me look matters. i know. so fucking shallow but i can't help ittt. i will go sit in the corner now and punish myself for being so shallow. i mean he has a great personality and all. fuck. i got myself into an egg splattered mess!!!


now i am going to go do my stupid hw and fume about it some more and try to clean this egg shit up.

my friggin cousin is about

my friggin cousin is about to be born!!!

40

hey thur. i am sitting here and it is 11:58 PM and i am wondering what should i do. i think i should go to sleep soon. considerin tomorrow is a school day. i wasnt even sure if i had any AP Bio hw .. i think i did, but i dont think imma be doing it now, since its already monday. hah.

today, i went to venice beach with leonard, laura, hideo, and me. me and laura separated from hideo and leonard and went walking around the boardwalk. i love venice beach. over the summer, imma try to go there all the time. while we were there, we went to the drum circle which is this group of people that make rhythms and anyone can join into the rhythm. it was intense. i loved the vibe that it sent out. laura was making some beats herself with the tambourine that one of the drummers allowed her to borrow. so intense. i love it. i am so grateful living in west la, being able to breathe in that fresh ocean breeze. i'm not sure if other kids can feel it, but i can tell the difference of the different parts of la. like they all give off this vibe. if i were to come home from ktwn with my eyes closed, i would be able to tell when we're in west la. i really love my home and environment and i'm so glad that i grew up here.

this stupid thing isn't letting me type correctly so i am going to stop and write about it some other time.

p.s. i think my artist's block is about to end, cause i have a feeling that i am going to start on gabi's, lorrain's and maureen's shoes again thank god. i've been lagging for two years now.

oh man

i haven't updated from the computer in a while, i've been neglecting my poor blogger. but yeah, lots of new things to say, such as i am not going to smoke in a very very very long time cause i had a bad trip. like i threw up and shit and felt woosy the whole night and i slept really early and couldnt get up the next day as well. but yea. that was my 420. but when i look at my video that me and natasha recorded, we look retarded as hell.

what else? um i think im over my sickness hehe. thank god. and i think i've moved on and have something in mind. heheheheehhee. but yeah, i'm getting distracted. today i had a track meet and went to church. i havent gone in a whileee. the track meet was against venice and i only ran the 2 mile. but i felt good at the end. i am super slow though. i got 17:48. i wanted to run the mile but i wasnt feeling too good.

today, i was also a little bit emotional? i think it was the song that was playing on my ipod. that was weird. and i got in trouble by my aunt for not going to the lunch ap review sessions. i think that sorta tipped the stress bowl to spill. good thing i know how to control my emotions, otherwise i would've been bawling after lunch. phew.

oh yea, i turned in my Cedars Sinai application today, and i really hope that i will be able to get hired. meaning imma have to find a summer job only. damn i hate looking for jobs and hearing that they aint hiring. pmo. anyways, imma go and find something else to do. kay. bye.

hi

bye.
:)

420

am sitting here with natashaaa, and we are talking to each other with the IQ of TWO. hehahehahahe. um, i did my homework, and im singing as i type to this piece of shit. maureen cant smoke with and butburn couldnt smoke us, so i am sitting here with natasah who is drooling she was very much droolinhgm i just saw her wipe her mouth, now she is hitting m

420

celebrating :)

nighttime

Wanted to post but got kicked off computer

nostalgic

my brother hasn't sat in the front seat of my dad's car for a long time and they're actually having a peaceful conversation with laughs.

eggcited

i am uber excited for senior year which is summer vacation and 58 days away! all i can think about are college apps, SATs, senior shit, senior pics!!, omg, partying, taking it easy, jennie emo's babyy, driver's license, so many other shit. senior bbq, senior environmental trip, senior picnic, homecoming, PROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, graduation. wow, im friggin eggcited!! lol. had to get it out of mah system. okay bye. heh.

58

we have fifty-eight days till school is over. wow, before in september, it was like friggin a two hundred days or something and now its barely 58, including weekends! holy moly. also, i have like two b's and 5 a's or somethng like that. and mr furlong called me in today and told me that i was chosen to become the eleventh grade representative for the graduation at FHS yey!

today was the track meet against uni at SMC, and it was horrible. and that's all im saying about it.

bye.

irony

funny! cause i really wanted to get better but now it IS better LOL. but yea, noones gonna be at school tomorrow since everyone's gone away at ap calc camp or at the beach with the marine bio class field trip. not fair. but i'll be at the track meet at SMC hehe. hopefully my ribs wont affect me tomorrow !!! but i gotta go and munch out bye.

I'm trying to clean my

I'm trying to clean my mind from you but i think its ruining our friendship but i donno how to respond to you. I really hope that i can recover.

naomichoe

here i am at naomi's house while she is talking on her phone with tillman, annnnd it is very funny listening to her talk to him since all she does is go "uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, ooooh, uh huh" lol! but yea, thats her relationship with tillman in a nutshell. JK. anywayss, today i didnt run either since the cookie doughs came and we had to collect them and i had to carry a box and a paper bag full of three boxes of cookie dough. and since i ordered cookies from it, i came to naomi's house and made like twenty-four. but they came out really dry and shitty. not so cool. but naomi made some betty crockers and they're mm mm deliciousss.

i think i have a problem at the moment cause i cant look at ___ straight or talk to ___ properly like i used toooo. what a bummer. i mean, i try, but i feel guilty or like ___ has a gf you know so its like, uhhhh, the way you converse with me is practically flirting with meee. but thats just the way __ is. and i feel like i am ignoring ___ and i cant help it cause i feel so bad like emotionally bad. but oh welllll. i hope i can fix this problem and eventually talk to him like i used to, but for now i think imma have to stay away from ___ for a little bit.

anyways, i must go and listen to naomi talk to her boyfriend and imma just sit and wait and do nothing lmao. cause i dont wanna go home and rot on the computer. and now, nathan is copying me typing on the computer. hes so funny and naomi is only serious with him and some other kids as well.

truth hurts

damn, when i saw that horrible notification yesterday, it was like a boom to my mind. um, but yea now i know the truth and i feel relieved and super sad now that i really know whats going through his mind. imma try to get over it, and i feel like its already getting there now that i know that i have noooooo hope whatever. but i truly duly wish him happiness. i really wanna get off this subject now.

today was an okay day back to school. jean, julie and sandy are all sick. funny thing is, last time we all hung out, sandy got sick aha from our quadruple thing. haha. another thing im grateful for is my friends; naomi, natasha, gabi, lorrain, maureen, and many more for being there for me. and especially naomi, since i can connect with her since we both didnt go to fairfax high school or JBMS. and how everyone is already close with each other from middle school, but its like everyone already has their own LENMG. but yea, im not saying i hate them, cause i love all my friends at fairfax but do you get me??

i am also on my doirep so i am feeling very emotional and im listening to this song Destinee put on her myspace by John Legend - Everybody Knows. i really really really like it, and i'm playing it over and over again. shite. i think i am going to be sensitive for a couple days, and imma try not to. but i donno how to react to him .. do i just act normal? i think i should given the fact that he didnt even knowww. haha. but yea.

i didnt run today, cause i left the clothes in ms. j's room and i didnt wanna go all the way to the third floor and get it and get locked out of the locker room. i was trippin out cause at first period, ms. ikki was closing the lockerroom after everyone left. and i was thinking about it, i wanna try out for softball, and stuff. well, first i gotta try out boxing.

i also turned in my baskin robbin application, and applied to coffee bean online. i also got an application to Starbucks. i really need a job. and imma go to LA Trade Tech and apply for Summer school there for auto mechanics hehe.

ANYWAYS, lemme mope around and feel better by tomorrow. thanks for reading this, and for the haters (if there are any) you can keep hating but what's it gonna do to me? hah. karma's a bitch.

oyasumi.

sigh

Imagine if i dragged this on and said it earlier then i would've made it awkward. Thank the lord i wasn't stupid, but i still feel stupid :(

from my heart

Congratulations! I'll put that in the past and look forward for a new adventure :T

dumbfounded

fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.

wow, i just wasted lots of brain time and emotion. i am fucking stupid to do that. i am so fucking stupid. i can't believe this shit ... IF THAT SHIT IS TRUE THAT IS AND IT PROBABLY IS. wow. i'm hurt..

EOJEKILI

yey, i finished my ap bio packets and is almost done with my apush stuff and all now i have to do is the trig homework. and its only 8:30!! yayyy. also, I GOT TO SEE MY MOST FAVORITE PERSON YESTERDAY. hehe. but yeaaa. i gotta go so that i can do my homework poo.

eojekili.

decomposed

i am fucking rotting inside. i am living the good life, yet i am rotting. the fuck?!

eojekili

shite

I HAVE SO MUCH HOMEWORK TO DO AND I NEED TO START NOWWW

bye

My dog is so cute. I just registered for blogger yay!!!

DROOL

kimbum

oh yea! i have bummer news for you F4 kkot boda namja fans out there of Kim Bum. Did you know that he went to my cousin's all boy school in Korea, and he punched a boy in the ear and ruptured his ear drum and didnt even say sorry!?! What a BITCH. he is like last on my hot guy list with Yu Darvish amongst the Top 10 hehe.

no puede dormir

so, my mom left the house around 6:15 and she was getting ready at like 5:30 so like her noises and light woke me up. and i can't go back to sleep cause i'm so fucking excited for today, but i know that i have to go back to sleep otherwise imma be screwed for tonight and fuck up. i a going to try to go to sleep again though for like three hours and wake back up cause i can feel my eyes feeling heavy and wanting to sleep but my brain is like high and awake making my body awake .. shit! gotta stop thinkign about today!!

anyways, imma try to go back to sleep since it IS 6:22 a.m. i shall type lata.

eojekili

mi hermano

i was talking to Sandy just now, and i realized that i'm really thankful of my brother and the way my life turned out. like my brother rebeled while he was growing up, and during that time, my parents were super strict and they forced my brother to do a lot of things that he didn't like to do. and my brother had ADD and there was a lot of pressure on him and being a boy didn't help much either. i dont wanna blurb out my brother's whole shitty ass life from the past but i'll say that whatever he did made my parents more lenient to me and im so grateful, but i still wish i had parents like Natasha's that let her do whats best for her and let her do her own thing and only intervene when they get too out of control. and like this relates to what kind of kid i'm going to have. honestly, im so scared to how i will raise my kid. i will NOT tolerate my kid being spoiled and i will include some kind of discipline cause for sure that shit helped when i was growing up. and i dont want my kid doing cocaine and shit. like i'll let my kid do alcohol and MAYBE weed in highschool and highschool only since i am doing it and knowing the society now, he'll probably exposed to it at an earlier age but like man. it makes me wanna make my kid to grow up in the middle of nowhere, with no internet and no bad shit you know?

but anyways, im so fucking hyped for tomorrow hehehe. and i gotta go, and ill update later tomorrow with fun stories to come :)

dun dun dun

SAT scores came out today, and im not disappointed in them neither happy, but i know why i got that score since i didn't really prepare much for it. hah. but for sure in the october and november SAT imma be studying my ass off like crazy just so that i could break 2000! but yea, i was 2oo points away from that. i think as long as i break 600 in Critical Reading (which is the worst shit ever) i'll be good.

but anyways, beside from the SAT scores and shit, it is 9:16 and i woke up to the sound of my phone vibrating a million times from phone calls text messages and alarms. not so cool considering i slept at like one and woke up at like 8:50 meanng i barely got seven hours of sleep on SPRING BREAK! and i have to go to school today too from 10 - 2 and i dont think imma be doing the track workout today, so that means i have to hide from my coach and other fellow teammates ... haha. but i really do have to run. ill call up roger and see if he's up for it.

so i have twenty minutes to get ready before i leave to school, so i shall go and i will update this shiz laterrr.

eojekili

beach

damn i had a tiring day today, and i think its cause of the lack of sleep. welll i went to the beach with natasha, grace, jenny, and nicole. as well as third street promenade. i had chili cheese fries from johnny rockets today yum. what else? i did some math analysis hw as well as apbio. although i am not so sure if the packets are due today (april 7)

SAT SCORES ARE COMING OUT TODAY AND IM REALLY SCARED .. shit, i went on right now and its not up yet lol. but i dont blame them, its only 1:16 AM haha. anyways, ONE MORE DAY TILL ITS WEDNESDAY!!!! helllll yeeeea son. im sooo hyped up for it, and i know that we're going to have fun. i just know it! heh. anyways
gotta sleep
its 1:27 AM

eojekili

Lvl 10

I FORGOT TO MENTION YESTERDAY THAT I'M FUCKING DONE WITH MY CMs

AND I FUCKING PAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!

hell yeaaaa, ten years of piano!







now, i go to advanced panel =0=

balcony

it's not summer yet, but im sitting here on the balcony trying to get rid of my horrible track tan. spring break is finally here and i hope i can get into the oven at least once ... well, i'm trying to plan something with jean and julie and sandy and some other people. i still have homework too since i am a junior and not a sophmore no more. man, i wish the good old middle school days. so many birthdays in april too!

april 9 - gracee

april 4 - uncle

april 11 - my pops

april 13 - great uncle?

and i think there more but i just forget. i donno what to say, my minds just focused on the fact that im on spring break right now. hehe. tomorrow, i have to go on an hour run and im not sure if im gonna come to the track practice on tuesday :T and thursday, but i hope something gets

down on thursday. anyways, i cant focus on this so i'll do a better update later

AF

hey guys, uh, i donno how to break it to ya but i'm a lesbian. and i mean its pretty obvious the way i smack my friends butts and touch jean's, janet's, and naomi's boobies ... sorry to break it to ya. but is this gonna prevent you from being friends with me? and honestly if me being a lesbian is going to become a splinter in me and whoever you are's friendship, then i personally think you are an ass!




































APRIL FOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS.


haha anyways, today was the track meet against Hami, and i really really pity them right now cause their distance team sucks, except for insane freshie fast runner with the afro. he has so much potential. and i think if robert practiced with us everyday then he'd be up there in the ten min 2 mile or the eleven min 2 mile. my thigh is still messed up so i couldnt run today and i think it'll depend on how much it's hurting for me to run. i have no idea what i did to it though! but whatever it is, i hope it'll become better by the next week (which i have like two and a half weeks till).

me and naomi's anniversary is coming up. its on april 11th and i think we'll be celebrating it on tuesday. and we've been helping my aunt/her cousin move into her new apartment. she's now almost 8 months !!! im so eggcited to have a new baby boy cousin that i can take to ice cream parlors and amusement parks and the beach and etc and etc. but yesss. today was a soso day since it was also multicultural but i didnt eat anything cause i wanna save my money for the edibles that im supposed to buy next week with jean and julie hehehhe. MY CM'S ARE THIS SATURDAY AND I ALMOST HAVE MY PIECE MEMORIZED. shiet, next year i don't think imma procrastinate like this for it. cause its hell trying to memorize it right before the weekend of CMs. AND i have a stupid ap bio test tmrw and an apush test on friday, and i wasnt planning to come on friday, so that i could focus on piano practicing, but we'll see. maybe i'll leave early. anyways, gotta go take a shower. gnite fellow lurkers and readers of erica's blog.

eojekili