august tidings

it is august first today. a day that means that there is only one more month of school left and that there are many things to do this month. last night, i stayed up till four thirty memorizing vocab words and trying to console my cousin and think of something to write. and before i knew it, it was already "early" in the morning. i don't want to make this blog sound jiralful, so i am going to speak from my heart as much as possible without any bullshit.

first off, i'd like to mention that i want lauramijunglee's name as a tat somewhere on my body. preferably in hanja or maybe her initials or something. i realized, that she does SO many things that makes me want to kill her, but in the end it all comes down to me realizing that i still love her and that she is the closest person to me. i know how to get her irritated and she knows how to get me irritated and yet, we've had the most closest moments ever. and i feel like, i need this constant reminder to say that i love her with all my heart. even if i want to choke her sometimes.

secondly, i am on my rag and that is probably why i am being in the mood to write in my blog. i hate it when i'm on my rag cause i end up craving shit, gaining a whole shit load of pounds, popping endless amount of pimples, become bloated, and write useless things that don't make sense after i read them. its quite funny. another thing that pestered my mind about writing on the blog was that i always seem to write them at night. where all my thoughts are gathered up in this skull of mine. it still amazes me how the brain works. all those neurons still doesn't explain why we have a conscious. these are the moments where i think God comes into play. Electrolytes simply relaying information doesn't sum up a human's mind to me. who gave us the right to think like this? isn't it strange? i don't know. i'll figure it out when my brain grows larger along with my head and along with my thoughts. another thing that's funny, is how i love reading other people's blogs. it helps me know what to write in mine, or it helps to let me think of what i am going to type in mine. i am not making sense. but, in the future, i'll try to learn how to do this organizing thing on blogger/whatever blog there is.

thirdly, yes i know that there was a whole lot of information in the second part. i realized that my family is still fucked up in the head. not as much as a couple years ago, but still a little fucked up. i wont mention anything but it helps to let my stress out. and it's funny how i've changed so much from the way i was before. if i was the old me, i would've lashed out against my mom last night, instead of making her feel good. its amazing. i am making progress along with my ADD self.

fourthly; the future is a big concern to me right now with all these college applications and the essays that go along with them. and how the hell i am supposed to finance myself when i am in college. it worries me greatly. one thing i absolutely will NOT do is do a student loan. i never ever want to be in debt. i have a couple back up plans though if i can't become a veterinarian. a couple of them are being a post office supervisor, a nurse practitioner, a master mechanic, or going into business and taking over my dad's "business". i really took becoming a mechanic into a career option. it fills my needs of always having to be moving or constantly doing something productive. i can't stand a job where i need to be asking what to do. i want to be given a job that is physically straining. i know. i am a girl and that's hard, but that just means i gotta try harder don't i? and it confuses me a bit since my aunt said she'd kill me if i became a mechanic. i mean she worked hard fo me to get straight A's and so did i and me landing a shitjob like a mechanic (i honestly don't think it is a shitjob) would be so much disappointment for her. but anyways, this blog is getting a tad bit long. so i'll input pictures to keep you entertained cause i know how much of a picture whore i am. so voila


if oyu are a "TL;DR" (too long; didn't read) this whole blog was just a freeing of my thoughts to get cleared. and feel free to read when you're bored. i am almost half asleep as i am typing this, so i shall put pics. gnite.