i have no idea, if i have a case of depression or not. i barely realized this when i was hanging out with family a couple days ago. i mean i don't think i have depression. and i know you're supposed to respect yourself first before you respect God but i don't even know if my mentality is respecting itself right now. and i wasn't hungry at all today. i only ate because i WANTED to eat it not because my body was telling me to eat it. i don't have any idea what is wrong with me. i just hope i never backslide away from God. it's kinda crazy. i think the song gravity by bareilles is just making me feel like this. i feel like my mind is torn into two. like when i was at camp, i loved how i was isolated from this corrupted world and it was just me, God, and other people that were finding God. it takes us 21 days to get into a new habit, so hopefully, i'll pray and write daily things for 21 days and it'll turn into a daily habit. i want to go away to an isolated island and live there by myself for a couple weeks. i feel as if my mind is a stretched rubber band right now and anything drastic can pop it and only the grace of God is keeping me together. man this summer was a total blessing and curse.


i love God. i love Him so so so so so so so much.